i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
