I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
