I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
