i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
