so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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