I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
