No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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