that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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