I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
