whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
