cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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