would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
