he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
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I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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