I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
