man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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