Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
