I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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