dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
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Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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