Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
