So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
