Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
