I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
