She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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