Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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