I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
