I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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