Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
