She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
