a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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