And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
