I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
