i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
