he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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