woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
