First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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