Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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