It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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