batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
