every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
