so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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