4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
