I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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