i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
