Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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