Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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