sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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