I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
