My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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