You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
