There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
