Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
