So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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