wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
did i just pee glitter
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
