i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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