your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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