Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
