I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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