Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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