so explain again why im purple
no
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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