She is in my trunk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize