No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we made out on top of his cat.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
