I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
