so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
