mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
