If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
