Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
