You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize